HOUSTON, TX – Brown college Junior Alex Weston plans to black out from 8 am to 10 am the morning of Beer Bike, sources say.
The Saturday entry in his Google Calendar includes breakfast (“beerios”) at 6am, “creepily dancing on underclassman” at 7am, and simply “gone” at 8 am.
“I totally expect to miss Hanszen’s Holi fight, but I also totally expect to not be able to move for a few hours” commented Weston. “I really want to appreciate the Beer Bike experience, and I feel it would be incomplete without a little shit-showing.”
The plan was thoroughly calculated, though Weston has not yet decided on where he will pass out.
“While I do think passing out in the commons is classic, I find there’s nothing better than waking up on a stranger’s couch with no memory of how I got there,” Weston said.
In addition to planning the time of the blackout, Weston called EMS Tuesday in an attempt to warn them of a “big fuckin’ mess” around 8:15 Saturday morning.
“We don’t know what we’re in for,” EMS in-charge Samantha Wong said. “But this isn’t the first time someone has meticulously planned to blackout on Beer Bike. It’s the Rice way.”
In a statement released Wednesday, Dean Hutchinson urged students be “reasonable, responsible, and respectful in their Beer Bike planning” and to, “above all else, avoid scheduling conflicting events during their blackouts this Saturday.”