MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Longtime advocate for diversity and bastion of human rights Russian President Vladmir Putin says that he hopes that this invasion is “the one that finally brings the world’s attention to the massive inequalities in modern society.”
“I identify closely with those that suffer internationally,” explained Putin. “Leading one of the most influential world powers in history has humbled me. I hope to bring the same kindness and reasonableness I bring to minority interests at home to the international arena.”
This seems to be a part of Putin’s escalating efforts to earn the Nobel Peace Prize, which a spokesperson from the Putin office says that he has a very good chance of receiving.
“Including Uganda in the new Russia bloc will dramatically improve the chances of our great leader receiving the award,” explained Dmitry Peskov. “It will show that we do not simply invade the countries of white Europeans! We do not discriminate on who we feel should be included in the greatest country in the world.”
But some other countries are not pleased by the decision, Ukraine in particular.
“Putin isn’t even done invading us!” commented Arseniy Yatsenyuk, Prime Minister of Ukraine, choking back tears. “This makes his invasion of our land seem insignificant! Its as if we aren’t even special anymore.”
Putin’s benevolent invasion is but only one of the significant events on Uganda’s upcoming agenda; Ugandan officials are also preparing a lavish state ceremony to celebrate the country’s one hundredth gay wedding, which is scheduled for later next week. The state sanctioned wedding is a “testament to Uganda’s continued tolerance and commitment to equality and nondiscrimination,” commented one Ugandan representative. “We look forward to maintaining these strides towards a more peaceful and just world as we get overrun by Russian tanks.”