HOUSTON, TX – In a decisive move to return to the unconventional attitude of Rice University’s past, President David Leebron has called for a new round of tuition increases to fund an atypical addition to university’s grounds.
“While prowling the campus late last night, I came to realize my love for one of Rice’s most unusual public art installations: 45°, 90°, 180° by Michael Heizer,” explained Leebron. “The presence of these massive granite slabs in the Engineering Quad, I believe, are nothing short a refined and classic beauty. But something is missing.”
The proposal, which will go to a vote later this month, will remedy Leebron’s concern and create a budget for “some new art in the forms of 28°, 56°, 79°.” The budget proposal will also leave open avenues to fund the construction of “triangles with angle sums of 65°, 197°, 212° to better expand Rice’s influence into non-Euclidean spaces.” The proposal concludes by asking, in light of our very unconventional campus and history, “why must our angles be conventional?”
The cost of the project, as outlined in the budget, will share the monetary burden of designing, installing, and maintaining the new works with the students.
“We expect the new work to be designed sometime in the next two to three years,” explained Dean of Undergraduates John Hutchinson. “Designing the new works – we will need a big protractor for one – will be pretty expensive. We think students will see the art as worth it.”
Students should expect a permanent increase in tuition as a result of this project but, as an anonymous source in the administration has told us, “these little shits drink way too much and do too little work – they deserve it.”
Written with the help of Leo Meister