Donning never before worn North Face and Patagonia jackets, students from Rice University are buckling down for a harsh winter. As the weather drops below 70 degrees, students are preparing for the worst.
“I had to put on pants,” remarked sophomore Evan Norcross. “I fucking hate pants.”
Another student added that, while they were well aware that seasons existed, “I thought Texas was immune from this shit.”
The Administration is equally alarmed by the weather, worried about the possible repercussions of students reporting back to home about the cold. “Students disproportionality apply to schools described as beautiful by peers,” commented one Administration official. “This weather is an unprecedented level of scary, for anywhere in the nation even, which we worry may hurt who applies this coming academic year.”
The Administration is particularly worried about those students from California, “where the weather is 100 percent perfect all the time, or at least so we are told at least three times a day from our resident Californians.”
New policies will go into effect in the coming days to make riding the busses safer and more accessible. “We would absolutely hate for our students to have to walk outside in 70 degree weather for longer than 5 minutes!” commented University President David Leebron. “God forbid we expose Rice students to the natural elements!”
“I really hope they cancel class,” concluded Norcross. “The roads might almost ice over, which would just make my walk from McMurtry to the Academic quad unsafe!”