Jacob Turner, ‘18, has recently submitted his transfer request after receiving a disturbing letter in the mail.
“I was in complete disbelief,” he said. “Opening my mailbox and seeing the O-week booklet for Brown just made me cry.”
Turner was left with only one choice: transfer. Fortunately, he remains optimistic and is very excited “to head to a school that doesn’t house its students in prison-like conditions.”
“We just couldn’t have him in Brown College,” explained the student’s mother, Tracy Turner, ‘89, who encouraged Jacob to transfer. “The facilities are just too third-world.”
This is not the first time this has happened, and administrators are increasingly concerned that this may be the beginning of a trend.
“We may consider delaying notification of college assignments if this continues,” warned the Administration. “Students are going to have to learn to deal with their unfortunate situations. This is a learning opportunity.”
“Brown just sucks,” continued the Administration. “Life isn’t fair.”